I'm not breaking my promise, this is not TECHNICALLY about Egypt... but it continues the Egyptian legacy.
The United States has started "repositioning troops" it has stationed in the Northern part of Africa in response to recent Libyan and Egyptian military coups.
Because... you know... Egypt and Libya need big brother to watch their every step.
It's just annoying that the United States thinks it can come in and play "protector" for all of the countries... frankly, if they throw themselves into a state of civil war, let them!
I'm really not kidding. Let them kill each other off if that's what their "democracy" gets them. We don't have to keep making sure no one stubs their toes when they try to climb the stairs.
I'd like to see what the US is doing about all the gang wars going on in cities; what they plan to do about drug trafficking here; what they want to do for the starving people on our own streets.
Why is it that in every other country, they don't care if it ISN'T in their backyard... but America keeps looking everywhere but in the mirror...
Get your house in order before you start worrying about what your neighbors are doing.
There are starving children here too, not just in Gerzbekistanistan or whatever country we are obsessed with "correcting" these days.
We apologize for the lack of humor, but there is really no way to make that cold fact funny.
Good Day.
Scott Walker sucks.
2/28/2011
The NeverEndingWar
I understand this is old news, but we here at Blasphemy would like to draw attention to the fact that THE WAR WITH NORTH KOREA NEVER ENDED!!!
DID YOU MISS THAT AMERICA?!?! THE WAR THAT STARTED IN 1950 IS STILL GOING ON 61 YEARS LATER!!!
There was never a declaration of peace made between the warring sides. North Korea (a former Soviet foothold) and South Korea (a former United States protectorate) are still at war to this day...
The funny thing is, the Kim family (powerhouse in North Korea) has never bothered to make peace with the US either.
Even Ahmadinejad (That batshit crazy guy leading Iran) isn't that stupid. He doesn't like us, but he at least seems to get the fact that we have BIGGER GUNS THAN HIM (Though he did try to hide the guns that he DID have)!!!
Look... North Korea... when you get outsmarted by Iran... that's sad. You are on the same level with the Taliban right now... and that's it... And when your only ally against us literally LIVES IN CAVES... well... you get the picture.
So, in closing, America and Korea, end the war. We don't need more bloodshed... and America doesn't need to prove that it can level a country for a third time in ten years.
SPEAKING OF THAT - I find it ADORABLE that we leveled Iraq and Afghanistan... and NOBODY seems to have noticed. Oh well. I guess in a country where 1500 nuclear warheads is considered a small arsenal, you can't really expect much else.
Also, Scott Walker sucks
DID YOU MISS THAT AMERICA?!?! THE WAR THAT STARTED IN 1950 IS STILL GOING ON 61 YEARS LATER!!!
There was never a declaration of peace made between the warring sides. North Korea (a former Soviet foothold) and South Korea (a former United States protectorate) are still at war to this day...
The funny thing is, the Kim family (powerhouse in North Korea) has never bothered to make peace with the US either.
Even Ahmadinejad (That batshit crazy guy leading Iran) isn't that stupid. He doesn't like us, but he at least seems to get the fact that we have BIGGER GUNS THAN HIM (Though he did try to hide the guns that he DID have)!!!
Look... North Korea... when you get outsmarted by Iran... that's sad. You are on the same level with the Taliban right now... and that's it... And when your only ally against us literally LIVES IN CAVES... well... you get the picture.
So, in closing, America and Korea, end the war. We don't need more bloodshed... and America doesn't need to prove that it can level a country for a third time in ten years.
SPEAKING OF THAT - I find it ADORABLE that we leveled Iraq and Afghanistan... and NOBODY seems to have noticed. Oh well. I guess in a country where 1500 nuclear warheads is considered a small arsenal, you can't really expect much else.
Also, Scott Walker sucks
2/23/2011
Another Funny Slide Show
This clip needs no set up... it's just nonsense... and it's very funny (the fact that it's a slide show is due to an attempt to avoid copyright infringement...)
2/18/2011
I lied, this slideshow is amazing
Check it out
This provides humor, some educational value, and, of course... political satire (which is all we here at Blasphemy really go for)
This provides humor, some educational value, and, of course... political satire (which is all we here at Blasphemy really go for)
2/14/2011
Has Scott Walker Gone Mad?!?!? (Dumb Question)
Here, Look.
Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker Texas Ranger has decided that it will benefit the state as a whole if he cuts from education. In fairness, it is the UNION he is attacking not the teachers themselves, but the result is the same. Apparently, he thinks this will stimulate the economy because more money will be going to private business instead of public employees.
How? Where does that logic come from and where can I buy it half-off?
By that reasoning, cutting from schools will make more people want to work.
A toddler with two lizard heads and a dog's tail knows better than that!
You cut from education, all you get is less educated people. Seriously. And God (all of them, not just the Christian one) hates undereducated people...
...That's why the South is just plain wrong.
Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker Texas Ranger has decided that it will benefit the state as a whole if he cuts from education. In fairness, it is the UNION he is attacking not the teachers themselves, but the result is the same. Apparently, he thinks this will stimulate the economy because more money will be going to private business instead of public employees.
How? Where does that logic come from and where can I buy it half-off?
By that reasoning, cutting from schools will make more people want to work.
A toddler with two lizard heads and a dog's tail knows better than that!
You cut from education, all you get is less educated people. Seriously. And God (all of them, not just the Christian one) hates undereducated people...
...That's why the South is just plain wrong.
2/11/2011
The End of Egypt
Egypt is gone
Well, it was a good run...
Countdown clock set to 6 months maximum until all-out war erupts in the middle east again.
Just trust me when I say, this is not good...
Well, it was a good run...
Countdown clock set to 6 months maximum until all-out war erupts in the middle east again.
Just trust me when I say, this is not good...
iConfession has been iNixed
Need your sins absolved? There’s an app for that! Honestly, terrifying as it is, somebody came up with the idea for confession via iPhone application and put it up for free in the app store. Apparently, all one has to do is enter their sin, and the app tells them the appropriate response. Even though this would make life much easier for a lot of Catholic priests around the country, the Vatican nixed this method of confession before it could even take off… and for the life of me, I do not understand why.
Personally, I very much respect the idea of confession; it forces people to see what they have done and reckon with it (even if the punishment is not always so effective). The important part of confession, in my eyes, is the fact that the person realizes what they have done is wrong and feels remorse for it, God aside. What I do not agree with as far as confession is concerned, is why it needs to be a face-to-face chat that absolves one’s sins. Personally, an application is as good as a guy who is sworn to secrecy.
Oh yeah, the best part of the app… you can track it.
Personally, I very much respect the idea of confession; it forces people to see what they have done and reckon with it (even if the punishment is not always so effective). The important part of confession, in my eyes, is the fact that the person realizes what they have done is wrong and feels remorse for it, God aside. What I do not agree with as far as confession is concerned, is why it needs to be a face-to-face chat that absolves one’s sins. Personally, an application is as good as a guy who is sworn to secrecy.
Oh yeah, the best part of the app… you can track it.
2/08/2011
SERIOUSLY Touchy Subject
Okay... so I went with a different news source today...
Who hasn't heard of Fox News? Because this story comes from them.
I'm warning you all, this will be a problematic subject (not something I won't stab at, but no seriously, if you have issues with not-alive-unborn-might-as-well-be-dead-baby murder, don't read on.............................................................. I'm gonna slam anti-abortion activists, that's the point I'm trying to make).
Fist of all: thank you Fox, your article, like your television station, makes no sense and runs my brain in circles.
From what I was able to gather, Obama said that the CDC (Center for Disease Control and Prevention) would be releasing its annual "abortion surveillance report" at the end of February. Some Conservative windbag in typical conservative fashion then said "No! that's not true! He's saying abortion! He's lying!"
Really? Really? Seriously?
Okay, I don't like President Obama's style, but to accuse him of fabricating evidence on such a sensitive topic as abortion? Why? Who would do that? Not even NIXON would be that stupid!
So apparently, Republicans are so hungry for revenge about watergate that they will do ANYTHING to get a Democratic president with his pants down... wait a minute... that sounds familiar... oh right, CLINTON!
Republicans, you already got the Democrats back fifteen years ago! You're done!
OH! and Fox News, you are actually just awful... you are a false, fabricated news source, and I can't believe anyone above the Mason-Dixon line listens to your undereducated banter about crap when sources like CNN are out there for consumption.
Who hasn't heard of Fox News? Because this story comes from them.
I'm warning you all, this will be a problematic subject (not something I won't stab at, but no seriously, if you have issues with not-alive-unborn-might-as-well-be-dead-baby murder, don't read on.............................................................. I'm gonna slam anti-abortion activists, that's the point I'm trying to make).
Fist of all: thank you Fox, your article, like your television station, makes no sense and runs my brain in circles.
From what I was able to gather, Obama said that the CDC (Center for Disease Control and Prevention) would be releasing its annual "abortion surveillance report" at the end of February. Some Conservative windbag in typical conservative fashion then said "No! that's not true! He's saying abortion! He's lying!"
Really? Really? Seriously?
Okay, I don't like President Obama's style, but to accuse him of fabricating evidence on such a sensitive topic as abortion? Why? Who would do that? Not even NIXON would be that stupid!
So apparently, Republicans are so hungry for revenge about watergate that they will do ANYTHING to get a Democratic president with his pants down... wait a minute... that sounds familiar... oh right, CLINTON!
Republicans, you already got the Democrats back fifteen years ago! You're done!
OH! and Fox News, you are actually just awful... you are a false, fabricated news source, and I can't believe anyone above the Mason-Dixon line listens to your undereducated banter about crap when sources like CNN are out there for consumption.
2/07/2011
Africa Secedes from US
In case anyone didn't hear, Africa will be leaving our union in favor of smoother tides.
The state congress of Africa voted unanimously, late on the 6th of February, that they just could not take the stress of being an American territory anymore.
This is just like when Texas threatened to secede from the union in 2009, only Africa pulled it off.
The state of Africa has decided to separate its powers into 56 territories, spread unevenly across the landmass. In fact, some of these new borders make no sense at all. Like the three Guineas... how did that happen?
Anyhow, some of the new territories are having difficulty over deciding leadership. The northeast territory, henceforth known as "Egypt" is having some difficulty deciding who to keep in power. It seems to be a toss up between some snot-nosed brats in a religious cult and a dictator-like man who has served over the "Egyptian" territory for 30 years now.
Let's hope this new African nation is able to hold itself together, otherwise we may lose a lot of resources and decent people.
***Paid for by the Mormon church of America***
***But not really paid for by the Mormon church of America***
The state congress of Africa voted unanimously, late on the 6th of February, that they just could not take the stress of being an American territory anymore.
This is just like when Texas threatened to secede from the union in 2009, only Africa pulled it off.
The state of Africa has decided to separate its powers into 56 territories, spread unevenly across the landmass. In fact, some of these new borders make no sense at all. Like the three Guineas... how did that happen?
Anyhow, some of the new territories are having difficulty over deciding leadership. The northeast territory, henceforth known as "Egypt" is having some difficulty deciding who to keep in power. It seems to be a toss up between some snot-nosed brats in a religious cult and a dictator-like man who has served over the "Egyptian" territory for 30 years now.
Let's hope this new African nation is able to hold itself together, otherwise we may lose a lot of resources and decent people.
***Paid for by the Mormon church of America***
***But not really paid for by the Mormon church of America***
2/03/2011
OH MY GOD!!! IT'S COLD IN WINTER!!!
We (you and me) care about this:
I kid you not, the title of this story is "Bitter cold follows massive storm"
Well, that's just not okay in my book...
For anyone too dumb or lucky to notice, we just got about four feet of snow here in the breadbasket, and in the wake of said blizzard, it's freezing cold.
Well, that isn't what I ordered... The snow was good, got out of school for a day... but today was supposed to be a balmy 65!
My only conclusion can be that the almighty is mighty pissed with we, his children (and the heathens who live amongst us eating our livestock and drinking our apple juice).
Let us pray (please turn to page 7584 in your Holy Book of choice [as long as it's the Christian Bible] and read with me):
"Why hast thou forsaken me, oh God my captain?!? Thine holy Jesus and Moses above must thou be angryeth with the folk down the mountain? And yea, in the house of the righteous is the mighty God with heaven and lollipops; and lo, in the house of the wicked is ESPN and FOX and BP and other acronyms (excepteth for the righteous CNN, for there is where I retrieveth my news sources) as well as the freezing! Oh mighty God, do us, your children, the honor of wiping the Devil's work from the face of our city, and turn up thine heavenly thermostat to at least like, 40 degrees fahrenheit. Thank yee. Amen."
Nothing like a good heat prayer to... you know... heat things up.
So, to the point, it's really cold, and news sources overstate the obvious.
***Once again, we here at Blasphemy would like to remind you that your religion is your business, and we fully support you being an individual....... over there........ far away from us***
***FORTHERECORDI'MJEWISH***
I kid you not, the title of this story is "Bitter cold follows massive storm"
Well, that's just not okay in my book...
For anyone too dumb or lucky to notice, we just got about four feet of snow here in the breadbasket, and in the wake of said blizzard, it's freezing cold.
Well, that isn't what I ordered... The snow was good, got out of school for a day... but today was supposed to be a balmy 65!
My only conclusion can be that the almighty is mighty pissed with we, his children (and the heathens who live amongst us eating our livestock and drinking our apple juice).
Let us pray (please turn to page 7584 in your Holy Book of choice [as long as it's the Christian Bible] and read with me):
"Why hast thou forsaken me, oh God my captain?!? Thine holy Jesus and Moses above must thou be angryeth with the folk down the mountain? And yea, in the house of the righteous is the mighty God with heaven and lollipops; and lo, in the house of the wicked is ESPN and FOX and BP and other acronyms (excepteth for the righteous CNN, for there is where I retrieveth my news sources) as well as the freezing! Oh mighty God, do us, your children, the honor of wiping the Devil's work from the face of our city, and turn up thine heavenly thermostat to at least like, 40 degrees fahrenheit. Thank yee. Amen."
Nothing like a good heat prayer to... you know... heat things up.
So, to the point, it's really cold, and news sources overstate the obvious.
***Once again, we here at Blasphemy would like to remind you that your religion is your business, and we fully support you being an individual....... over there........ far away from us***
***FORTHERECORDI'MJEWISH***
BREAKING NEWS!!!
I'm not covering Egypt anymore.
Deal with it, suck it up, I'm done. It's annoying me too much.
One hand, you've got the Mubarak administration who has maintained a level-headed peace with Israel and congenial relations with the US... The other hand - Screw him! The teens rebel, we'll happily throw the president under the bus!
So, farewell Egypt! And on behalf of American politicians everywhere I'd just like you to know: Get your democracy installed right or we'll invite ourselves in to your country and do it for you!
F#@king morons...
Deal with it, suck it up, I'm done. It's annoying me too much.
One hand, you've got the Mubarak administration who has maintained a level-headed peace with Israel and congenial relations with the US... The other hand - Screw him! The teens rebel, we'll happily throw the president under the bus!
So, farewell Egypt! And on behalf of American politicians everywhere I'd just like you to know: Get your democracy installed right or we'll invite ourselves in to your country and do it for you!
F#@king morons...
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